No I am not talking about my husband... a little crass humor for my sisters. We dug out some little people yesterday and Viv has completely attached herself to the elephant and the dragon. As we speak she is up in her(i mean my)bed with one in each hand. What was utterly adorable yesterday when all my kids were home to play Mr. Elephant/Mr. Dragon, not so cute today when it is just I carrying on the conversations.
"Mr. Elephant what big ears you have"
"Mr.Dragon I luuuv your purple belly"
"Whoever painted your toes Mr.Elephant? Big Girl? Well what a great job she did!"
"Now Mr. Dragon it is not nice to jump on Mr.Elephant."
"Let's be good friends to each other"
Mr.Elephant/Mr.Dragon ate oatmeal. but forget to put their bowl in the sink.
Mr.Elephant/Mr.Dragon went pee pee. . .
Afterwards Mr.Elephant/Mr.Dragon took a shower. With Me.
I have directed many directives to the odd couple. And they listen really well.
"Wash up for dinner friend Dragon"
"Time for nap Mr. Elephant."
"Just one book, Big Girl can you find just one?"
My neighbors already think I am a complete basket case. As do the men siding the house across the street.(they caught me and Mr. Elephant dancing to Jacks Big Music Show.) Hope they don't tell my husband what I do when he's not around. I mean Mr. Elephant is one heck of a dancer! I am enjoying my tiny friends while they are still around.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
11 years
My husband and I had our 11th anniversary on Friday. How can one measure this time? It breaks down to 132 months, 4,018 days, 96,424 hours, 5,785,436 minutes. For us it also equals 5 kids, 4 houses, 3 cars bought, 2 siblings married off, and 1 life together. OR does it?
We both took the day off hoping to eek out some time for one another. To reconnect. To enjoy. To look back at the good times and ahead to the life we will continue to build. Our plans were simple, con a sibling into babysitting, a nice dinner perhaps a few drinks afterwards . . . but alas all did not go as planned. We went out for breakfast . . with the little one. and had absolutely nothing to talk about. nothing. Sitting across from one another we took turns coloring with Viv and taking her to the bathroom. Maybe a few trivial comments-nice weather-want to go for a walk-pancakes are cold. There was an elderly man sitting all alone in his big booth across from us. I looked at him and wondered if he was jealous of our little family sitting there together in the clutches of youth while he was in the twilight years. I looked at him and wondered if he could see what frauds we were sitting there on the day of our wedding to celebrate with absolutely nothing to say, to share with the person we chose to live our life out with. We went home, took naps, got kids from school. And sat. And sat. My sibling was going to meet her husband out of town. His sibling just couldn't babysit.
On the day a couple pledges their love to one another no amount of money is too much. People travel from out of state to see to share to witness the love between the two as they start anew, as they vow in front of God, their friends, their families to love one another for eternity. There is dancing, food, laughter, flowers, a pervasive happiness. People looking back at their day, or forward to what theirs will be. Love.
Fast forward a few years. Add in the stress of kids, jobs, home, money, bills, chores. It's easy to love someone in the beginning. When their snore is cute, dirty socks on the floor a minor transgression. You and Him. Him and You. Together against the world, which always smiles on you because your in love and have each other. It is much harder to love when the sink is ALWAYS full of dirty dishes and the bank account always empty. When the bills keep coming in but the jobs don't pay anymore. When its You. Him. and Them. You see each other in passing 3 days a week to hand off the kids like a baton in some relay with no end. Both of you fighting for a second alone. To pursue the dreams you had way back when. To lose yourself in a fantasy team. A book. Sleep, wondrous Sleep. It's not trying to spend time together, it's trying to remember who you are. That is when your love is tested.
Then one day you are sitting in Village Inn across from your husband of over a decade and you have nothing to say to him. Shared experiences boil down to the kids. Future goals include a nap. What happened? When did the man you share your body with become a complete stranger? How did it get to that point? Was there a way to prevent it? Can it be fixed? Is this all there is to expect in life? Should I just be happy that my man has a job, pays bills, and doesn't beat me?
Sad. Pitiful. On that one day people rush to be around, to help, to shower the couple with love, attention, wisdom, gifts. Where are they later? When 3 of the 5 kids are sick. When 2 kids of activities at the same time and you have to choose. When money is tight and your extra works hours are further stressing a family near bursting anyway. Who stops by and says, "hey go out with your spouse, we'll keep the kids?" We may very well get a break, a time out from our families. More often then not it is a chance to go out alone, leaving our spouse to deal with the home front, further carving out the divide between one another. Until suddenly their is just You. Them. Him. No US.
We both took the day off hoping to eek out some time for one another. To reconnect. To enjoy. To look back at the good times and ahead to the life we will continue to build. Our plans were simple, con a sibling into babysitting, a nice dinner perhaps a few drinks afterwards . . . but alas all did not go as planned. We went out for breakfast . . with the little one. and had absolutely nothing to talk about. nothing. Sitting across from one another we took turns coloring with Viv and taking her to the bathroom. Maybe a few trivial comments-nice weather-want to go for a walk-pancakes are cold. There was an elderly man sitting all alone in his big booth across from us. I looked at him and wondered if he was jealous of our little family sitting there together in the clutches of youth while he was in the twilight years. I looked at him and wondered if he could see what frauds we were sitting there on the day of our wedding to celebrate with absolutely nothing to say, to share with the person we chose to live our life out with. We went home, took naps, got kids from school. And sat. And sat. My sibling was going to meet her husband out of town. His sibling just couldn't babysit.
On the day a couple pledges their love to one another no amount of money is too much. People travel from out of state to see to share to witness the love between the two as they start anew, as they vow in front of God, their friends, their families to love one another for eternity. There is dancing, food, laughter, flowers, a pervasive happiness. People looking back at their day, or forward to what theirs will be. Love.
Fast forward a few years. Add in the stress of kids, jobs, home, money, bills, chores. It's easy to love someone in the beginning. When their snore is cute, dirty socks on the floor a minor transgression. You and Him. Him and You. Together against the world, which always smiles on you because your in love and have each other. It is much harder to love when the sink is ALWAYS full of dirty dishes and the bank account always empty. When the bills keep coming in but the jobs don't pay anymore. When its You. Him. and Them. You see each other in passing 3 days a week to hand off the kids like a baton in some relay with no end. Both of you fighting for a second alone. To pursue the dreams you had way back when. To lose yourself in a fantasy team. A book. Sleep, wondrous Sleep. It's not trying to spend time together, it's trying to remember who you are. That is when your love is tested.
Then one day you are sitting in Village Inn across from your husband of over a decade and you have nothing to say to him. Shared experiences boil down to the kids. Future goals include a nap. What happened? When did the man you share your body with become a complete stranger? How did it get to that point? Was there a way to prevent it? Can it be fixed? Is this all there is to expect in life? Should I just be happy that my man has a job, pays bills, and doesn't beat me?
Sad. Pitiful. On that one day people rush to be around, to help, to shower the couple with love, attention, wisdom, gifts. Where are they later? When 3 of the 5 kids are sick. When 2 kids of activities at the same time and you have to choose. When money is tight and your extra works hours are further stressing a family near bursting anyway. Who stops by and says, "hey go out with your spouse, we'll keep the kids?" We may very well get a break, a time out from our families. More often then not it is a chance to go out alone, leaving our spouse to deal with the home front, further carving out the divide between one another. Until suddenly their is just You. Them. Him. No US.
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